You never stopped loving me!

Dear God,

I was thinking, no wondering…..actually running through what to say to you on this last conversation of the year.

I read through all the messages I had sent through the year, and I couldn’t stop laughing.

It’s weird, right. (I know, you can stop rolling your eyes now)

Father Lord, I am still wondering why you have not flogged me yet.(I get the feeling you wanted to do that a lot, Yes?)

Sometimes, I was dammed right blunt and brutally honest, yet you listened to all the messages.

The weird stories, the funny ones, the naughty ones and the whining ones, you heard me, you heard all.

I complained, nagged, whined, priased, fretted over nothingness.

I showed sadness, anger, demands, and entitlement mentality, but in all, you never stopped loving me.

That is the most important thing for me.

I lost hope in some opportunities. I won some hard bets. I was betrayed. People who had no business being near me got to me.

I trusted the wrong persons, I believed a lie. I got hurt, and I hurt some people in the chain reactions, but in all, Lord, you never stopped loving me, not even for one day.

There were times when I would have dumped you as fast as hot coal for an easier option. There were times when I said NO to your will and your way. There were times when I shut down your spirit in me just to have it my way, but in all of it, you never stopped loving me, not even for one day.

Yes, I took some things for granted. Yes, sometimes I acted out of desperation and frustration. Yes, I denied you three times (even Peter did, too), but you never stopped loving me.

There were times when I didn’t want to pray. There were times when I felt that keeping you silent will get your attention. There were times when I just felt like being mean and rebellious, and I did. But in all of it, You never stopped loving me, ever.

Yes, this year really baffled me. I cried some, and I laughed some. I was sad, I showed some flashes of anger, I watched people I love go through depression, totally helpless to help them, and I shimmered with anger.

This year, I was so close to many successes that worked so hard only to be sabotaged of the results. I watched as men manipulated their way through glory and shuddered at the oppressive leadership. But in all, you never stopped loving me.

Isn’t it amazing that despite all, I didn’t lose my hope?

Isn’t it exciting that in spite of the disappointments, I couldn’t cut off my expectations? Isn’t it surprising that in the midst of it all, I still trusted, believed, hoped, pushed, drove, and stayed connected in the whole disconnection.

Just simply because you couldn’t stop loving me even if you tried.

I was not beaten, I was not defeated, I was not conquered, I am still here, because you are still here loving me.

This year was an interesting year. No, It was a daunting year. It called out to our strength, it called out our faith, and it challenged our beliefs. It made a mess of our efforts. It called out to everything we valued. And we answered it. It was sometimes painful, but we answered anyway.

It was sometimes scary and frightening, but we answered.

It took a lot of sacrifices, but we answered.

We answered because we heard your voice, Lord. We woke up and showed up because you went with us.

We came out of the battle beaten, briused, and broken, but we went back to fight again because you were in the battle with us.

So, here we are…..standing at the brink of a new year. Battle bruised but still battle ready.

Come what may…..in good times and bad times, ride or die…..You will never stop loving us.

Where you go, we will go. You are our God. Win or Loss, we, too, will never stop loving you.

So, this is that daughter, that very stubborn little believer, who will dare anything just to keep loving you. This is she, I am exiting this turbulent year and checking into a brand new one, confident, focused, and loving you back.