Let’s be more intentional about raising the boy!

Dear God,

I am here now.

(Do you like the expressions on my face? I am trying to mimic you)

So, whenever I don’t write, readers will bombard me with …”What happened? Where is our Saturday tonic?

So, you see daddy mi, you are not the only one rolling your eyes at me……

(Laughs loud. They know themselves, and I am just messing with them)

So, I took time to think through this raising the boy-child series and realised that I may be seeing it from a woman’s perspective.

What do the men think?

And I sort for other people’s perspective on this conversation. Yes.

You remember Captain Ed, Lord? Yes, my favourite person that roams the African jungles (laughs).

So, he said in response to this conversation that….”Men sneak off and drink beer and talk about Trucks and Motorbikes”. I couldn’t stop laughing. Typical, right?

Another amiable gentleman, “the Senator” was more detailed. He said…. “On the machoistic syndrome in men towards women, men often overlook the fact that women are extremely emotionally intelligent and ignoring this critical nuance, lead to challenges in relationships”. He then recommends mutual respect and understanding in relationships, with men recognizing and valuing women’s inherent power.

Hmmm.

That’s an Alpha male talking. Men who are not afraid to acknowledge the strength in women and applaud it.

(Dad, don’t roll your eyes, I am not a feminist, I am a realist)

On raising the boy issue, he said something else that resonated with me ….”Sometimes, dads and sons don’t understand each other and moms can help bridge the gaps”

Hmmm.

But why? Why do dads and sons not understand each other?

Let me tell you a story….

My friend is a single mother with 2 boys, age 13 and 15. One day I met her reading this book. From the look of things, the book was reading her because she looked more baffled and confused than informed. My poor friend was struggling to raise teen boys alone and she ran to books to help her.

On gentle inquires, I realised that the boys were at a point where they were having some feelings they couldn’t express and discuss with her or with anyone and it was frustrating them. And their attitudes were taking a negative dip.

My friend didn’t find the answers in the books, and I had no clue too because my boys were still young. So, we decided that the best thing was to seek men of honour who will take up these male discussions with the boys without hurting their mental space.

We wrote down 10 good men we knew including my Adam. And later shortlisted to 6.

Dad, we called and spoke to these men, and they had no idea what to discuss with the boys. They were blank. They had never had those conversations before, yet most of them had grown sons.

I was shocked. So, what were they doing with their boys all these whiles? How did the boys grow up without those core conversations?

I was supposed to talk to my Adam about it.

Dad, you needed to see how my Adam’s eyes popped out when I told him about the project. And I was specific about what I wanted him to talk to the boys about.

“When you wake up in the morning and “Mr John” is standing ready to pop, what do you do?

(Laughter)

My Adam’s face was a joy to behold. He was so uncomfortable with the topic. I laughed until tears poured from my eyes. Anyways, he and another brave one met the boys and till date he didn’t tell me what they spoke about. But the boys turned out okay. Men and secrecy…. hmmm.

The only thing I told him was that that conversation will prepare him for the conversations with his sons in future.

Now Lord, on a serious note, if that topic was difficult for a man to approach, imagine a woman? Imagine women raising boys alone? Imagine the struggles to raise a wholesome boy?

And that got me thinking…. Really, how are we raising boys……in the true sense of it.

A girl from age 8 already knows how to deal with her expected “monthly visitor”. She is prepared, ready to go but no one talks to the boy about how to deal with “the standing John”.

Dad, stop rolling your eyes. These are serious issues, and we need to stop hiding and address it. Clean and clear.

That incident hit a cord deep down and I started a subtle approach to discuss it to date. Speaking and talking especially to fathers. Please talk to your sons. Don’t assume he knows what to do.

In one of those conversations with some men….one jokingly said that when their boys feel “the heat”, they should find a girl. Hmmm. Really?

Fair enough, but please note that the girl the boy finds maybe your daughter.

You know that Karma is a beautiful bitch, right? Good.

99% of sex education is geared towards protecting the girl, so who protects the boy?

How does the boy find self preservation?

Who is talking? Who is listening?

Lord, I am talking now.

This is Your daughter, the talking drum, I am checking in on this.