Raising the boy child

Dear God,

(Long laughter)

I am sorry I am laughing, Lord. I just knew you would make a face but I wasn’t expecting that face…oh classic.

Yeah, I took my time, right?

Well, Lord, you chose to put me in a country called Nigeria, and……

Okay, no excuses, I am sorry. I am.

I promised to always check in and I broke that promise. I am sorry.

I am right here, right now, (according to my daughter)

So, Lord, I had an interesting conversation with a well-respected former colleague I call “the Senator”. After I wrote those series on lessons from grandma, he asked that I explore the series from the boy-child perspective.

Interesting isn’t it?

Well, here I am. I have always wondered what the boys were taught growing up.

From day 1, they prepared the girl-child for her interactions with the opposite gender. Every training and every education was geared towards balancing the act of wifehood, careerhood and motherhood.

So what were the boys taught?

Why this confusion about what a woman wants?

I always hear men say…”You can’t predict a woman, you never know what they want, women are difficult….etc.

Seriously? How? What were you taught growing up?

How can they not know what women want, when from birth, you knew you would end up with one?

Is the mystery that exciting?

You are laughing?

Dad, I am trying to solve a serious world problem here…..

Okay, so one of my best childhood friends was my cousin “father-father”. One day Lord, I will mop up enough courage to talk about him. It’s too emotional now.

But we went everywhere together, played together and we were close, yet every time he sees his male friends, he will ghost me.

So one day, we were coming back from one of our many errands talking and laughing aloud when we ran into a group of some of his friends.

And they teased him about being a woman wrapper, always hanging out with a girl.

Right before my eyes, my cousin denied that he wasn’t hanging out with me and that we were only sent on an errand together.

(You see, Lord, the ego-tripping starts early)

You are going to end up with a woman in your lifetime, but you can’t be caught hanging out with her to learn your lessons, right?

I simply stared at my cousin.

This is the boy that while we were going, hit his big toe on a stone and out of love and compassion, I carried half his load to ease his movement and yet, he couldn’t defend me before a bunch of knuckleheads, he called “friends”.

“We are not hanging out, right? I said meaningfully to him, well then, this is the other half of the errand, come home when you are good and kind”

Trust me, Lord, I simply dumped his half-load on the ground and swagged away without a blink.

He had a choice, apologize and realign the perspective or stay with the boys.

He stayed with the boys.

I ghosted and froze him for a whole week at home until he begged on his knees.

Dad, he chose his friends over me, his family?

Grandma would always tell us……” never choose a friend over your family because when the chips go down, friends may walk, but your family will never walk”

Well, seriously, I am not sure if that saying is still true today, but I still hold it true.

What stopped my cousin from telling his friends that ….yeah, it’s okay to hang out with her, she’s family and she’s an okay girl?”. That’s exactly what I tell my friends about him….and they all love him.

No, he ghosted me because he wanted to feel like a “G” with the boys and girls are not allowed.

Then tomorrow, he will kneel before you, Lord, and pray that you help him understand women, Yes?

Why would he understand them when he won’t hang out with the ones that will teach him?

It took a long time before my cousin adjusted. Sometimes he would sneak off to hang out with the boys alone without me. And when they are together they will be jesting about girls and he would join. There is this superior air they carry, this a little less than God’s attitude that is so annoying.

One day I forced my cousin to take me to their games, do you know one knucklehead amongst them said he wouldn’t play with a girl?

Today, he is twice divorced…..he should have played with me. He should have hung out with girls more to understand them.

Maybe that is why coeducational schools were established.

Anyway, finally, the more forward-thinking ones agreed that I should play the football game with them and I did.

Guess what? When I scored a goal, the game stopped. The goalkeeper wouldn’t take the jest that a girl scored on him. He stormed out of the field.

All members of their team were so sober and my team laughed them silly. Then again, they started it because they were calling my team “the girls’ scout” just because I was with them. So when we won and I was the one that scored, they were humbled.

I didn’t laugh much because I was busy wondering why my scoring was so hard to take. Why did they feel like I stripped them of their rank or something?

I didn’t get it.

So what were these boys taught?

Who told them it wasn’t okay to hang out with girls?

Who told them it wasn’t okay to lose to a girl?

Who did that to them?

I am on this Lord, we will solve this riddle together.

This is Your daughter Lord, and I am checking in for now.